Phrase: “to be torn” / “to be torn between something and something”

Meaning: To have a hard time choosing or deciding between two options or possibilities.

Explanation:

The verb tear literally means to pull something apart forcefully. Metaphorically, when we say that we are torn between something and something we are saying that we cannot decide between two options or choices, or that it is very difficult to choose. You feel torn when you really want two things, but can only choose one.

Example:

  • "I am torn between starting my own company and working at a corporation."
Similar Expressions

  • I can’t decide whether to start my own company or work at a corporation.

  • Half of me wants to start my own company, but the other half of me wants to work for a corporation.

When do we use it?

We use this strong expression to show that a person is having a very hard time deciding or choosing between two things.

Example Sentences

  • I am torn between getting married and staying single.
  • She is torn between moving to a different city for her dream job and staying near her family.
  • They are torn between staying in their current house and moving to a bigger one.

We also often use this expression as a short response to show that we have not decided and that we do not know which option to choose.

A) Will you go to Thailand or Japan for your vacation?
B) I don’t know. They are both good choices. I am torn.

A) Should we invest in an energy company or a pharmaceutical company?
B) I don’t know. I am torn.

Example Conversation

A) I am torn between following my dreams and getting a stable job.
B) You are young and single, so you should follow your dreams. You can always get a stable job later.

More Example Sentences

  • David was torn between pursuing professional success and his literary interests.
  • The undecided are torn between the pros and cons of both candidates.
  • She’s torn between her loyalty and her desire to tell the truth.
  • Many women feel torn between having a family or a career.
  • The leading actor gave a very convincing performance as a man torn between the woman he loved, and the woman he married.
  • We're torn between going to a hot spring and going skiing.
  • I'm torn between the red dress and the blue one—which do you think looks better on me?
  • Her offer left me feeling torn between my commitments to my family and my desire to go out and see the world.
  • I’m torn between going for a run and having a bath.


Questions:

  • Can you remember a time when you had a very hard decision to make, and you felt completely torn? What were your options? What did you decide? Was it the right choice? 
  • Are you an indecisive person? Do you often feel torn, even when it is not an important decision?


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